mango_xx

I can feel it coming back, and this time, I'm not going to fight it.
I'm going to welcome it with open arms.
Let's hope I can do this.

I haven't really posted lately, so I thought now was better than ever. Life has been super busy lately, and I like it. I don't really get time to slow down until late at night, but I'm okay with that. A lot has happened this past couple weeks, including, I punched a boy in the face, I go to Walmart at least once a week with Deepa<3, I'm usually in Sam's room listening to music, I haven't been eating properly cuz I'm never hungry anymore, I got drunk by 6:00 on a Saturday night (passed out by 8:30), Mackenzie came to visit me at Trent, I showed Carri and Braeden around and than we all drove to Loyalist, I got my hair done (I really like it), and there is only 24 days til my birthday!!!
I have my last exam on my birthday, so I don't think I will be doing much on my birthday, but I'm okay with that.
I'm a little worried about christmas holidays because everytime I go home for the weekend, I can't wait to get back to school. I didn't mind reading week that much cuz I was working and hanging out with everyone, but since I'll be home for two weeks straight AND its christmas holidays, I think everyone is going to be to busy to chill, so it will be different. Plus, I'm so use to seeing Sam, Jen, and Brent every day, it will be weird not to see them.
It will also be weird cuz I'll see Kyle more than I usually do. When I was in high school, this would be a problem for me since we never really got along, but now I'm lookin forward to seeing him. I think we have actually become friends, which we both never saw happening. and that reminds me I have to go visit Tom and Matt soon, since I always say I will but I never do. Maybe over christmas we can all get together :)
Last night we made stress balls in the common room because exams are coming up. They aren't hard to make (ballons and flour), it was just really fun sitting in the common room with everyone. We are decorating our christmas tree next week, and I think my don wants to do secret santa, but I dunno how well that will go since we live with fight club...
After my english seminar today, Deepa and I are going to Walmart :) we wanna get pictures printed out for our dorm rooms, and we kinda just wanna get off campus. and than tomorrow night, Jen and I are going to see 'New Moon'. We might bring Brent along, and we would invite Sam but he is jamming with his band, since he has two shows coming up (one in Peterborough, and one in Keswick). The one in Keswick is for sure but the Peterborough is still iffy.

anyway, thats all my exciting stuff for now:)
<3

I was just called a furry beast by my house mate.
He tents to joke around with people, but all of his really rude jokes are directed at me.
Sometimes there funny, but times like this its just like "...wow..."

I hope you see this:

All I want to do is talk to you.
I miss you.
Please, just talk to me:(

Now I am on my own;
He told me he was leaving,
And I was pleading,
And I had to let him go.

I don't feel like myself right now


:S

I'm starting to hate you.


and it kills me.

I left my room an hour and half ago to go pee.
Some how, I ended up in Sam's bed talking to him and Blair instead.
I totally forgot why I left my room in the first place, until I decided to go to bed, and realized I still had to pee.


I think I need to start sleeping more:)

I'm so tired but I can't sleep:(
I'm really excited for reading week, except for the fact that I can hardly stand to be home for the weekend, I really don't know how I'm gonna survive reading week, let alone christmas and summer holidays:(

We went to phantom farm tonight, which was interesting. I saw Kim, and a few other people I know from high school. I didn't go in the house cuz its not my thing, but I went on the hay ride, and ended up squeezing Steph's and Sam's hands really tight. It wasn't that scary, I was just scared something was gonna pop up from behind me cuz there looked like there was an opening behind my head:/

I made a quiz on facebook on how well people know me, you guys should go take it:)
I've got top scores on Brandon's and Carri's, and a shitty on on Matt's:)

Anyway, I should try and sleep since I have class tomorrow, but not til five:)

<3

1.I found an old conversation on my comp and it made me remember the days when we where actually friends and you actually cared about what happened to me. I use to miss those days, but now I don't. I'm giving up on you, and I'm okay with that.

2.I miss you. I hate not being able to see you everyday. I haven't gone this long without seeing you since we met.

3.I miss parts of our friendship. The parts where we would laugh, and have funn, and just talk. I don't miss the other parts.

4.I know how you feel, you tell me every day, and I'm sorry.

5.I'm getting use to not talking to you as much as we did. It's still weird, but its nice.

6.Thank-you<3

I have never been more scared in my life than I am in this moment of time.

Stephanie: How is the paper going?
Megan: ive decided to throw myself into the otonabee:)
Stephanie: lol would you like me to video tape so people believe you?
Megan: yes please:)
Stephanie: Okay I can do that, so are you planning on dying cuz if not is a $5000 fine....
Megan: i was thinkin i could get really hurt and make it look like someone pushed me so i dont have to pay
Stephanie: ya that could work we could set up a whole fake attack and it would just happen that I was walking with a turned on video camera...
Megan: we are filmin a movie for a class and i happen to be makin an amazing speech on the bridge, when a person (male) dressed in all black and wearin a mask suddenly appears and picks me up and tosses me over the edge of the bridge:)
Stephanie: Perfect! Sounds like an amazing plan, and ya wanna know what I bet we could even make money off of it! Like sue someone or something! it would be rather epic
Megan: we could sue trent for not being more safe for the female students who film school projects in the middle of the night. shame on trent
Stephanie: Ya for sure! Yes and shame on the Otonabee river and bridge for being so easy to push people off of!!
Megan: I know, the railing only go up to my chest!! i could so fall over that very easily. so unsafe
Stephanie: I know that is why I walk in the middle no matter how many dirty looks I may get or how many people I may run into!
Megan: exactly. we need to be careful.
Stephanie: I know! We should start some sort of awareness about the evil bridge
Megan: we will do that after the epic plan of throwin me off the bridge, cuz than we have proof
Stephanie: ya, and we can show the footage for all to see!
Megan: exactly!!! and than after we start a "safer bridge" club, i can sue trent and we will split the money:)
Stephanie: Ya and we can fund our club with the money, or get even more money and fund our club with the clubs and group money!! hehe we are pureeee evil
Megan: we will use the money we get from suing to go on an amazing trip, and than get extra money from the clubs and groups ppl for food and alcohol
Stephanie: yes for sure... we will go on a trip and become alcoholics and them we will have to feed our adictions when we come back
Megan: and we will hide it from everyone. and then when the alcohol no longer works, we move to t3s and oxy.
Stephanie: Yes no one shall know about this, we will dissapear for the trip and no one will suspect anything. It will be your time to recover from your tragic fall, and ya pills might be eaiser to hid then a raging alcohol addiction
Megan: I was thrown off a bridge for christ sakes!! i need a long vacation and a good friend beside me. noone will suspect a thing about your drinkin habits cuz who would think that we drink?? and pills would be easier to hide, but harder to get. we might have to rethink that part of the plan
Stephanie: hmm ya but my town is so drug filled i could def hook us up for a little while, if not my grampa used to take oxy and i couldjust sneak into his house late at night and snag them!! heh genious!
Megan: perfect plan!! lets mix it up. drugs and alcohol at the same time. we can tell the clubs and groups ppl that we have alot of good things planned for trent so we get more money Stephanie: awesome plan!! Okay, I should go and let you finish your paper. Have fun.
Megan: thanks:) I’ll see you tmr at some point for a meal lol
Stephanie: ya, just let me know when works. night

<3

So my family has decided that the perfect time to hold our annual christmas party is on my birthday.
So now all the plans I was gonna make with friends are now cancelled (before they could happen) so I can hang out with family that I don't really talk to three hours away from anyone I actually like and would want to spend that weekend with.

Oh, and my mom told me I'm being a bitch for being upset by this. It's my 18th birthday!!
Kyle got drunk in our backyard with a bunch of his friends for his birthday.
I get to spend mine with family.
Yay.

I know it shouldn't hurt but it does.
I know I shouldn't care but I do.
I know I shouldn't think like this but I do.

I'm giving up.
Let's see what happens from there.

I'm not cut out for this.
I just wanna go home.

So the rugby kegger was cancelled, so instead we just got drunk in Morgan's room instead, which was just as funn. Everyone went to bed early, so Morgan, Michelle, and I started walking around Otonabee. Morgan was so drunk she didn't know where her keys or cell phone was (I had both):S Anyway, when she realized I had her phone, she made me take down a bunch of random people's numbers, which was interesting to say the least. We some how ended up in F house, and right as we where chillin, Scott was tryin to drag Matt back to A house, cuz again, he was to drunk to know anything. I went to ask Scott to help me get Morgan home, and some how I got enlisted to help Matt get home. Okay. so Scott is like 200lbsish, and taller than me. Matt is shorter that Scott, but taller than me, and 155lbsish (he told me but I can't remember). Matt was to drunk to walk straight, and Scott was really drunk to so it was kinda funny to see us walkin down the hall. As we where leaving F house, we got stopped by a don, and as Scott and I where tryin to cover for Matt, he curled up on the stairs and tried to sleepT_T. We finally started walkin again, and when we got to C house, Matt tried to tell us he was sleepin at home, but I stole his keys, and convinced him he had left his keys at home. We finally get him to A house, and get him into Vegas' bed.
The next day, Trent had their first rugby game against Flemming, and we kicked ass. Scott was the only rookie on the starting line, he did really well.
Devon came up on Sunday, and left yesterday before my first class at five. We had alot of funn (being locked out of my room from one til seven thirty, gettin lost in ptbh, etc) She refused to sleep on my bed with me, so she slept on the floor. LMFAO she won't be doing that again:) We decorated my room with pictures and stuff, and than Devon cleaned my room for me:D
Classes where cool, except in one of them I have a Dylan again (I'm sooo not pleased!!)
Anyway, I should start getting ready for class They don't start til twelve, but I need a shower:)
<3

 

Last night was alot of funn. On campus we have to wet/dry bars/club type things. "The Cat's Ass" in OC and "The Cellie" in Champlain. So last night a bunch of us from A house go to the Cat's Ass, and we start dancing. Deepa tries to get a guy to buy her a beer, but that back fires. Jen, Shannon, and Deepa leave early cuz they aren't having funn, but Morgan, Derek, and I stay for like another hour and a half. Derek is the funniest dancer I have every seen. So after we leave, we go meet up with other people, and we start heading back to A house, when Morgan thinks she lost her keys (they where in the dorm room). We run into Scott, who has just been written up twice in like 15 secs, so he's pissed. We all go outside so he can smoke, and we pretty just chill. Michelle wants to smoke weed, so we are waiting around for everyone to get ready, when some dude falls over the fence. Turns out he is one of Scott's buddies from the rugby team, Matt. So Matt is fucked outta his mind, and he is wearing shorts, tshirt, and no shoes. We end up walkin down to the main road, and than coming back (twenty minute walk). By this time its like two thirty in the morning. We all pretty much went to bed at that point, except for Matt. He lives in C house, and he didn't have keys on him, so I have no clue where he ended up last night.

So thats my awesome story of a thursday night at Trent:)
Tonight's story might be better, cuz I'm going to a rugby kegger:)

<3
 

So, today I woke up at seven, which isn't so bad. We have a greeting thinger at eight thirty, and I wanted to have a shower, so I woke up early to have one:) I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who is actually awake on my floor. So now I'm sitting here typing this and eating grapes:) I love grapes.
Yesterday was pretty weird but funn at the same time.I got all moved in, locked out of my room three times (sometimes the key doesn't turn all the way:S), hung out with Luke, met a new friend, Jenn, discovered where my timetable, and slept in my new bed, which is going to take time to get use too.
OC (Otonanee College) taught us some cheers that we need to know, and they where kinda funny. One of them involves alot if hip thrusting. If you wanna see it, just ask, they made us do it like fifty times, til we got the thrusting jussssst right:/
Other than that, I'm really enjoying the high speed internet, and the fact that I can do anything without asking first:) I'm gonna miss home, but I'm glad I'm here.